I need help removing her.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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