oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
