I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
