I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
