Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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