How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
