So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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