I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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