half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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