Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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