I think my fart just growled at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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