Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
