Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
