Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize