Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
