just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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