haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
