why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
