But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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