I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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