i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize