I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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