mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't think brook has ever known best
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
