Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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