Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
