Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
