i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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