Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize