I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
