Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
