i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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