Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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