I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
