Porn is love you can see.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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