Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
