she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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