This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he thought i was a dude.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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