Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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