WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
