I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
