they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
