I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
