you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
