I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize