i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're too hungover to prance.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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