My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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