how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
