glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
