Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
