at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
