I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
