thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
