My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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