So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it because I queefed?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
