I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
