then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
