Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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