On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
