By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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