I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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