i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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