I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
