Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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