I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you.
Bad choice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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