At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
