I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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