how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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