We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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