saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
