sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
