I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
