i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
