Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
