I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
