Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
