Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
