Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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