how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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