When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
