God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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