I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
