i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
