whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
