no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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